I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
