You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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