why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
