I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize