Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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