Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
