It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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