I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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