i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
