i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Your cock deserves a montage
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
