Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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