The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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