So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
