Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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