You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
