I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
