Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
