I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
