The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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