you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
