God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
