ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
did i walk over a car last night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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