Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
