Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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