I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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