so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
