Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
