Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
