Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize