Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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