even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
this boner is exhausting
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
