Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
