So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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