Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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