I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
