I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
