My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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