I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
