i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
