the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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