I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
