if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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