I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
