Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
