separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize