i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
