there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
