Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
