So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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