The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
