At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
