I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
