He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They took my balls.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
