i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
