Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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