Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
