You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
