I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
