good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
