Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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