i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
