Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
