I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
