yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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