my vag is so smooth its legendary
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
