This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
