I'm so fucking centered right now
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
