You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
