so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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