So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
