You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize