but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize