Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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