I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
