Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
