I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
