I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
