I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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