Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
