i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
