we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
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