We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
