Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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